..And a Happy New Year!

31 Dec

So it goes, they say, you start a new year with a fresh start and new goals and whatnot – a way to let go of what the year has brought you. Tonight I’m kind of seeing that and realizing that. I had dinner with my Mom – the usual. One of our usual places, one of our favorite places. I realized just how much tonight I can’t keep trying to figure things or people out and beating myself over it or trying my hardest to understand why people chose to do things when others don’t. I could spend my entire life trying to figure it out, but I’m not going to keep trying.

Me and my Mom sat there and we talked and we ate and we talked some more. Someone once told me about this book (which I have to put on my list of books to buy) about this girl who wrote about these walks she would take with her mother and on these walks (I believe the Mom was dying), she found herself and other stories she might’ve not known otherwise. Me and my Mom kind of have the same thing, but we share it over our food and usually over tv shows or movies. We cry like babies at commercials or touching shows and it touches my heart every time. I promise, this isn’t supposed to melt your heart either. But if it does, even better.

Everyone who knows me knows how attached I am to my mother and how close of a relationship I have with her. But what I mean by this is that sometimes she helps me find my way when I’m losing my path or get off ground. I go into every new year and every day saying that.

It was just two years ago that I was bringing in the new year in another country – Buenos Aires, Argentina. I was studying abroad and though the only person who probably knows this is my mother and me (not anymore, I guess) – the first week I was there I was frightened, nervous and scared as all hell. I spoke to her about 3 times a day and cried how much I missed her and wanted to come home. She helped me get through the fear and stick it out, convincing me that I’d get over my feelings. I did. When I came back, I told her I had future plans of studying abroad and continuing that path. She smiled, but I knew she wasn’t enthralled by the idea. I was her “baby,” after all.

But as I sip on my wine tonight and bring in the new year, it’s a somber night for me. I’m trying not to be alot of things tonight, but it’s hard when I have a million and one things on my mind. For now, I’m just remaining positive and letting all that 2010 brought me remain in 2010. I’ll do my best to wake up tomorrow with a fresh start, ready and willing for 2011 and all that it’s bringing me – good or bad. I’m ready for it.

With that said..I kiss 2010 goodbye …

And say hi there! to the new year of 20eleven.. 

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