If You Knew Me

1 Jan

Someone told me today that they think the only way they could make me happy is with money. This came from someone I thought knew me, someone I thought was beginning to know me better than I knew myself. Clearly they proved me wrong. I had to tell the person who knows me best what they said so who better than to turn to for advice than my Mom.

When I told my Mom, she said “That’s the total opposite of you. You’d rather give to people than receive. That’s what really makes you happy. You’ve always been a giver to people. Clearly that proves they really don’t know you.”

My response?…

“I’ve always been the giver. I’m tired of always giving…when will someone just give me for once?”

I’m reaching my 24th birthday in two weeks and the one thing I thought I would know or understand by now is love and everything that comes with it. I thought that by this age and time I’d have it all figured out by now. Meet someone, have an amazing time, make them happy and I’ll get the same and thensome in return and then everything else just unfolds from there. Boy, was I ever wrong.

I haven’t been in many relationships that I can say mattered, but the ones that I have been in..I’ve grown from them and learned more about the way I love and how I love. I’ve had no regrets since then and I’ll always live up to that.

But if it’s any consolation for me and love – I’m just like every other woman who loves and loves hard. I can’t promise to never hurt the person I love because isn’t that what love is all about really?

“The truth is everyone is going to hurt you,
You just gotta find the one worth suffering for”
– ANR

I’ve always vowed never to make promises in relationships because tomorrow is never promised. I’m not a big believer of them, anyway. Also, everyone who ever meant something to me has done something to break their promise or my trust in them. Go figure.

It’s funny, though, that despite how love comes and goes in my life, my confidence in it never seems to fade. I’m not sure how much longer that might last, but I hope for my own heart’s sake it will stick in there because I can’t see myself being bitter for the rest of my life because love didn’t do right by me.

All a girl wants is to be happy.

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