Circa 1987..On Repeat

15 Feb

So as almost anyone knows (including my own Father..I would hope) the relationship between my Father and I has dwindled down over the years for a number of reasons more than I’d like to share here and than I actually care to type. It’s way more complicated to explain in regular verbage and better worded in prose..cough, cough.. =) MAGIC IN THE MAKING FOLKS! ;]

Nonetheless…my Father and I have a non-existant relationship and to tell you how it got that way.. I can’t give a straightforward answer. However, we were TIGHT at one point. Believe it or not.. I felt alot closer to him and shared more things with him in my JHS years than with my Mom – when me and my Mom were having our rough patch.. and him and I were tighter than ever. We talked all of the time.. until… a few years later.. the phone calls stopped. And certain things changed.

Now, many more years later.. I feel like the shoe is on the other foot and I’m repeating what he’s created. I’ve become just like him in a way. I know I carry alot of his traits – many I’m not fond or proud of. I struggle with my identity as it pertains to him all of the time, every single day of my life. It’s a battle within a battle. Because he stopped calling me years ago..now that we not-so-willingly try to rehash our relationship these days or try to regain what’s left of it, I don’t jump to return his calls if I miss them. In fact, it’s been a month since I last spoke to him and I’m not in a rush to speak to him. I’m still very bitter about alot in our relationship and I’m not afraid to admit that, but he is just never willing to just give up and throw down and start fresh and readily admit how he’s never been there for me. And still isn’t. But then again, I am my Father’s daughter because neither have I. “/

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One Response to “Circa 1987..On Repeat”

  1. limewire February 23, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

    fantastic

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