Vacation..Please?

18 Mar

I was fortunate enough last week to attend an amazing event hosted by my previous job The Lesbian Cancer Initiative at The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Center called the Health and Pleasure Fair. I got a little tease of a massage, but my girlfriend got a full body aromatherapy massage from someone her and other people were calling “God in massage form,” the rest of the night. I was jealous. Ever since then, I’ve been fiending for some serious massage or peaceful breakthrough to release my tension. The therapist said to me as she was massaging my lower right back, “OH! You’ve got something going on down there. Take care of that.” As if I didn’t already know this. While trying to not make it sound like I had an incurable STD, she didn’t quite tickle my fancy, but I knew after the event that my weeks and days would just increase with tension.

While I do my very best to manage the number of crazy things I have going on in my life, I always try to balance everything else going on in my life. But seriously, sometimes I have to admit I just feel like bailing and throwing in the towel. Last night while I was trying to lull myself to sleep after hours of bashing myself and beating my own self up with disappointment, I saw this program on the tv guide listing, a show called “I Quit My Job.” I lay there and thought, well damn. How easy that would all be, wouldn’t it? And then of course there would be no means of living or a roof over one’s head and how ever would you survive? But really.. why doesn’t anyone ever do spontaneous things and just check out of life if even for just a few weeks or months? What harm does it really do? I think life is a challenge every day, but sometimes checking out for a while doesn’t mean we’ve failed at it. I think everyone deserves to check out for a while, a get out of jail free card if you must. Sometimes you reach your breaking point and there’s only one thing you can think of doing. Wether some may think it’s weak or not, I don’t really care to argue. I just think everyone needs some time away, some time to breathe on their on and away from whatever stresses or tenses their lives on a regular basis. Maybe a vacation or just a mental health day or a weekend doing absolutely nothing would suffice. All I know is that I think that time has long approached and I might need a prescription for one of those every so often.

Some in my close circle who know me well might say that I do alot and I always care alot about others and in the end, I worry less about my own self and well being. Others have said that I don’t do well under pressure. I can probably tell you and them for that matter that they’re probably wrong. I work great under pressure, but I burn out often. It’s part of who I am and I don’t give myself too many days to re-energize or refocus. It’s like I do it to myself almost. Think of it as a drug addict. You know your limits and when you just have to say no, you have to stop and rethink the situation and relax yet you go head first into it. It’s the same with living a crazy, hectic life and schedule and making time for you and yourself to refocus and re-energize your body and mind. I feel like sometimes I just want to shut down with my body all achy and tense and full of pain from the stress and tension going on. It’s hard not to let it play out itself and let life run its course and try to remain positive, but I know that things all have its way of working out, ugly or not. I’ve always been deathly afraid of going on excursions or weekend trips by myself just to get away and to refresh myself. In the end, maybe going on a little getaway alone isn’t so bad. Maybe it’s actually what I really need. Peace of mind, pen and paper and just..me.

Playa Conchal, Costa Rica

Oh yeah, some Costa Rica sun wouldn’t hurt either.

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