Breaking Bad Habits & Getting Rid Of The Toxic [People] In Life

29 Sep

Years ago when I was in high school and in my first real relationship there was a ton of things that didn’t quite define me in that relationship. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t growing, I was constantly putting the person before me and I was becoming a very angry person and always questioning them and their trust. I had many insecurities I wasn’t proud of and no one to really talk to about them. I dated someone a few years younger than me and had it not been my first relationship, I would’ve not stayed with them as long as I did and just put myself first and said,

“I deserve to be happy. This relationship is toxic and so is this person to me.” But I didn’t.

In turn, I met someone who I continue to preach about until this day, a woman amongst women who I look to for words of wisdom and guidance still. I knew her as Mabel. No one I knew or any of my friends in high school went to her office unless it was for condoms. I went to her office for mini therapy sessions. The one thing she told me about that relationship that went awry was, “Boba, you need to get rid of that toxic person in your life. It is no good for you.” And so I obliged with the advice I was given. I took myself out of the situation and my feelings, too.

Sometimes the only way for you to heal is by completely taking yourself and your emotions out of the situation in order for you to grow to your upmost greatest.

I’ve done this before and when removing myself completely and ridding myself of people and out of my life wether permanently or temporarily to give myself time to heal & space to grow & learn – it’s always been a positive experience for me. Often times, I wonder why I had never thought of doing so before. Whenever you second guess yourself, it never turns out in your favor. I’ve been asked, “Don’t you feel relieved now that you don’t have that toxic energy anymore?” when I’ve dismissed or said my good riddens to people in my life. However, getting rid of toxic people in my life is a learning process too.

Just the other day, and for a few days, I had a few heart to heart conversations with my best friend who really made me put a lot of things into another perspective about my relationships and relationships I’ve had in the past. I tell you, this woman grounds me and brings me back to surface in so many ways. She made me take a deeper look at my habits and what I really look for in the significant people I’ve ever dated. I’ve never really set my standards very high with someone. I’ve never really aimed high in relationships. I’ve always settled for less.

And let the train stop there. It’s time I stop those habits and really setting the bar high for whoever wants to be with me. Do I really want someone to work for my love and not make it easy to be with me? Yes. Do I want to build a strong foundation from the very beginning to know that if anything goes down – me & my significant other will be able to go back to the foundation we were able to build together? Definitely! Do I also want to be able to be friends first and take my time – not rush anything – before committments arise & emotions build up? Always. So what’s my problem, then? I’ve never been able to do this! Relationships have always been filled with pressure for me – none I can say weren’t all my fault. But it’s time for me that I sit back and just enjoy whatever it is I have going on in my life and with whomever is in my life. Because as I’ve been told, “You’ll never get that back.”

And so as my Dr. told me the other day during my annual visit – “Make someone do the work to be with you. Let them really show you just how much they want to be with you and prove to you that they really, truly want to be with you.”

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2 Responses to “Breaking Bad Habits & Getting Rid Of The Toxic [People] In Life”

  1. janeris nevarez September 29, 2011 at 2:27 pm #

    Aww I love you! I am always here, Boba! lol :*

    • margaritalopez September 29, 2011 at 2:59 pm #

      I know, amigita & I love you for that! Boba was a thing Mabel called me during our sessions. LOL It sounds funny, but it was just her character! =D

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