Reasons Why I’m Single

15 Nov

Don’t ask me why, but this is the FIRST thing I thought of when I came to posting today. Though I solely only like to make lists when it comes to shopping, lists can be SUPER significant when evaluating things in life – like my singledom.

As I’ve written before about this blog I follow, This Single Life, this young, beautiful woman turns her single life into a different perspective. She turns it into a learning curve rather than this sad, sulky thing people dread. And so it goes – what I’m just about to do with this ONE, single post. Here goes nothing…

1. My Mother – More recently, and I’d say the people I’ve been in long term relationships with in the past have always said that my relationship with my Mother is odd, kind of creepy, but yet something they absolutely admire all at the same time. Ironically enough, not to put any of the people I’ve dated on blast – half of the people I’ve ever dated don’t have great relationships with their mothers, which might be the reason as to why they find the relationship I have with mine so challenging. My mother is my absolute best friend, which means I share almost everything with her. Almost everything. There are times when she can be a tad bit overwhelming and clingy, but I’m her only child and she’s all I’ve got at the end of the day. She’s my Mother and Father and she always has been. Whenever someone can understand that concept, then they can really begin to understand our relationship. Some might say I’m attached to the umbilical cord still, and that’s okay. I love my Mother. Bottom line. My Mom still has trouble sometimes with the fact that I’m a woman and not a girl anymore (what Mother doesn’t, though?), so she holds onto what she can. I’ve never put anyone on a pedestal or a scale of any kind in a relationship, but seeing how close I am with my Mom can be a threat to someone who doesn’t understand that or have the same kind of relationships in their own life.

2. Putting My Eggs All In One Basket – I admittedly will say that I have jumped the gun in the past just about with every long term relationship I’ve been in, which have been three. Rushing into relationships before being friends was something I just did. I guess I always thought once you met someone and you liked them so much, it was instanteous that you became committed. Sometimes the more you build on building a friendship first, the more of a committed relationship you can have later down the line. Honestly, the long term relationships I was in, I dated the individuals for maybe no longer than two or three months before getting into a relationship with them – not at the same time, of course. In turn, the less time you have to get to know someone, the less your relationship has substance..which kind of leads to number 3.

3. The Two Year Curse – I’ve pretty much established that every single relationship I’ve been in has not merely made it past two years. This, I call The Two Year Curse. I’ve noticed that not only the less time you take to get to know someone before going into a relationship is crucial, BUT..after that first year is when the waves come full speed ahead. And apparently, I’ve got the curse. I’ve come pretty close, but not quite to that. Which maybe just means..

4. Seeking Higher Heights – I had this talk with my best friend a little while ago, just into my new singledom and she kind of made me realize that I just never sought higher expections in a relationship. In my previous relationships, it was true, I never expected big things from the people I dated. When I say “big things,” I don’t mean diamond rings, chocolates or fancy materialistic things. I never set high expectations out of the relationship or the person I was with. For example, how I can picture myself with this person, what we can accomplish together, what that person can accomplish for themselves, the ways this person can change my life. There was always a frame, but never any picture inside of it.

5. My Love For Sleep + Sports + ShoppingThere are many things about me that you can learn, but the key things that keep me sane and always happy all happen to start with the same letter. Sleep. Sports (Baseball, METS of course!). Shopping! I’m a girly girl, but do not let that fool you. I shock myself at times. In fact, I have dated someone who was a complete morning bird (which, of course, I am not) who almost went into crying fits whenever we would be waking up on weekends together and I’d be asleep at 8am. Seriously, though. 8am on a Sunday? I do have a shopping addiction, definitely controllable. I don’t overspend, ever. If you’re the type of person to think “Shopping addiction? Probably overdraws her accounts.” Think twice. I’m not 17 and work in Forever 21. Not to knock anyone who does, but I just am wise with my hard earned money. Besides, I have my priorities in gear, thank you very much. =)

6. My Past is Mine, Not Yours I won’t say I’ve struggled in my past, because in all honesty I really haven’t. I had a pretty good childhood. I just went through a few things no young girl should ever go through. But I moved on from it and I’m still talking about it with people. But when the person you’re in a relationship with thinks it’s cool to critique your past or think it’s okay to judge your current actions based on things that have happened to you in the past is SUPER uncool and out of place.  When you share things about your past to someone, you open up to them because you kind of trust that they’ll just be there and listen without any reservations. Usually if I’m opening up to someone about my past, I’m not doing it because I want the person I’m in a relationship with to analyze my life and do some case study about it. NOT cool.

7. The T WordYeah, you got it. TRUST. In all honesty, I kind of never had an issue with trust. I like to think of trust the same way as a teacher put it to me once as it is when taking a test. Everyone starts out when taking a test with 100%. It’s when you start answering the questions and filling in the blanks incorrectly that costs you the points. Same goes with trust. I generally can trust a person and give them the benefit of the doubt. Once someone starts making those errors or filling in those blanks incorrectly – the trust gets a little questionable. Trust really isn’t that hard to attain, though. You give a little, you get a little.

8. My Career of Choice – Though most people I’ve dated have all claimed to fame their support of my writing and the path it should take, I’ve seen some ridicule from it, too. I’m not going to lie, the writing industry is a TOUGH one to break into and actually lead a successful career from it. I’ve said this over and over again that it’s not a typical 9 to 5 job and that it isn’t one I’m looking for. To be honest and since this is a brutually honest post, I’ve never wanted a 9 to 5 job. Ever. It’s not my style and it’s not my personality. I’ve been doing the 9 to 5 for almost 3 years now and I feel like it’s shed ions off my life. All the more reason why I’m pursuing my writing and going back to school. Granted, being a writer is not this lavish career and it will almost never make you millions of money, but this isn’t why I’m pursuing it. I’m pursuing my career as a writer because of the feel-goodness of it and because being a writer is something I have always been. I’ve never been about pursuing anything for monetary value. So if being a professional writer comes with a bunch of teaching gigs, contest drawings and such throughout the day for me, then so be it. It’s kind of what I anticipate for the rest of my life and I can’t be more excited about it unfolding.

9. Pussy-Cat Attack! – Yes, ’tis true. I’m a pussycat lover. As if you hadn’t known. I can’t help it. I love all animals, but I’ve had a cat since I was in the fourth grade. Now, I’m a proud owner of two awesome, but badly misbehaved Tabby cats Twinkey(8) & Kylie(4) (both adopted). They’re my “boys,” as I like to call them. Just curious, but why are people more prone to being allergic to cats than dogs? Is it the dander? Just curious!

10. Happy Travels – I often will say I need a vacation, but it’s really because I love traveling. Not just in the U.S. I’ve been spoiled ever since I studied abroad and went on a few other vacations to a few other countries after that. I cannot express that I enjoy traveling and it just makes you appreciate life and things that surround you in a whole new way. When you see things you don’t get the opportunity to see every day, it changes you. Hence, my love for traveling. I’m not a settler. My ancestors might have been, but if I’m fortunate enough to be able to go places, then I will cease the opportunities and why do it alone when you can do it with someone else?

Okay. So it seems like a detailed list. I guess it kind of is, but in retrospect, these are all things I don’t look at as downfalls. They’re things I look at as part of my character and personality. As I read somewhere and if I remember how it went, it went something like:

“If you’re looking for the love of your life..STOP.

They will be waiting for you when you start doing things you LOVE.”

Couldn’t have said it any better than that, my friends.

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4 Responses to “Reasons Why I’m Single”

  1. 3by3 writing method November 15, 2011 at 3:11 pm #

    relationships are like writing books. You have to be dedicated to them daily, put up with their demands and constantly review, rework and improve them.

    • margaritalopez November 15, 2011 at 3:33 pm #

      I absolutely love this analogy. It makes sense. Complete sense! Now I have a new way of looking at relationships. =D

  2. vivianaayre November 15, 2011 at 3:22 pm #

    I guess I can’t say much because I’m in a committed relationship….. But I 100% agree with your last one. Before I will turn 20 I will have been to seven countries now.

    • margaritalopez November 15, 2011 at 3:38 pm #

      That’s awesome! Traveling is probably my favorite thing to do in the world besides writing. It keeps my blood pumping and the adrenaline going. Where have you been? I’ve been to Mexico, Argentina, Uruguay, Egypt and the Dominican Republic. I’m not sure if you consider Puerto Rico a country, but it’s part of the Caribbean & I’ve been there, too.

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