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Fresh In Love.

18 Jul

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, but behold.. I’M BACK! And, but of course.. In love. =D

To no surprise I have had some things going on in my life, but nothing I can’t handle that I haven’t before. It’s funny how the saying, “When one door closes, another one opens.” I didn’t really start to see the meaning of the saying until I met my girlfriend, Lindsey, a few months ago. I know I don’t like talking about my personal life or even my love life at that on my blogs, but everyone around me notices when I’m happy and they pick up on my happiness and genuinely are excited for me and this new woman in my life.

It’s funny when I tell people how I met Lindsey, but actually it’s probably the best story. I joined Match.com. I know, I know. I had joined other dating sites before in the past, but this one you had to pay for so I thought this would filter some legit women and not crazy women (no offensive to past lovers, here). I had met two women from Match.com before Lindsey and let’s just say they were too extreme for my liking. I knew that I wasn’t a “match.”

After our first date, I knew that there was something about Lindsey that I wanted more of. She was everything I had never had and everything I wanted in a woman. She is intelligent, thought-provoking, caring. I can go on. We gravitated towards each other instantly and the rest has been history.

What I found in Lindsey is more than just a “girlfriend.” I found a life-partner. I confide in her in a lot of things and she shows me new things every day and teaches me more about myself and what I’m capable of than I thought I would be learning on my own.

Before we met, I always thought about the things I wanted in a relationship and things I didn’t want in a relationship. But when we met it seemed like we just gelled and to be able to have common goals and morals with a partner is so important and something we both value. For the both of us, it’s a big thing. I think that’s one of the reasons why we felt the way we did when we first met.

As much as I won’t make this sound like a page ripped out of a fairytale book, it’s our little piece of our fairytale however our path will turn I’m sure it will be an exciting one and never a dull one. Here’s to us, babycakes. 😉

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There’s A Reason You Never Go Back..

22 Mar

Call me crazy, but this weather is just the icing on the cake for my uplifting spirits and has been leaving me in such amazing moods. It’s not often that you have 70 degree weather in March living in New York City and really, I’m holding out on bringing out the Spring dresses only because it’s all I wear during the Spring and Summer seasons – for the most part. I’m a HUGE girly girl at times, but I’m pretty aggressive when need be.

It’s funny that I’m even thinking about this, but have you ever logged onto your Facebook and seen a past lover/ex pop up on your newsfeed and sometimes (in your heart of hearts) ever think about the what ifs, maybes and or where your life would’ve gone if things would have taken a different toll had you been in a relationship with that person? I’m not thinking about ANY particular ex of mine as I write this – but this goes for every woman I’ve ever had any type of connection or emotional relationship with. I’ve had some serious and not so serious relationships all of which were learning experiences for me. I don’t take any of them back. For a while when I was a little younger (I say it like I’m so old), there was one or two women I constantly gravitated towards and found myself going back to, looking for a relationship or something more. But it was never the right time. I was getting involved with people from my past all over again – like it was a cycle. And it was a pattern I noticed that was deeply rooted with the relationship I have with my Father. My Father, a man who is in and out of my life irregularly – and I was somehow doing the same with one or two women, but I couldn’t help it. I’m human.

Too many times I would tell myself, “You can never go back to someone you’ve been with in your past.” Just the other day on the radio they were talking about people in relationships and if they would give it a second chance if it didn’t work out the first time. I’ve been there once before, and it didn’t work out for me and the person I was with at the time. In all honesty, I don’t really believe in giving it a second shot. Maybe because I’m not living proof I don’t know. I’ve heard success stories of people who have had the complete opposite – dated once, then separated and got back together a second time and live happily ever after. But I’ll always be a believer in fairy tales and happy endings. That’s something no one can take away from me no matter who comes and who goes from my life.

I’m a firm believer that if it didn’t work out in a relationship.. you have every right in your mind to get up, dust yourself off and move on from that experience. Walk away with everything you have learned about relationships and yourself because there will be another – maybe not right away, but eventually someone will come along and surprise you just as much as you surprise them. As my doctor told me some time ago, “Make someone really show you they want to be with you. Make them do the work to show you that.”

‘Marry Me, Carry Me, Ride Away With Me..’

1 Mar

The title of this post is actually a line from one of my favorite childhood lullabies my Mother used to sing to me growing up called Tony Boy and it was like NyQuil for me. After maybe two or three run throughs of the song, I’d be knocked out. It was catchy and somehow everytime she sang it, I pictured the scenes played out in my head. Probably because it’s based on a love tale. The lullaby goes like this:

Tony Boy, Tony Boy

Won’t you be my Pony Boy?

Don’t say No, Here we go

Far across the plains

Marry me, Carry me, Ride away with me

Giddy up, Giddy up, Giddy up, Giddy up 

Oh Tony Boy, my Pony Boy…

Though I never really looked up the true meaning of this lullaby, I always pictured myself on a pony with a knight in shining armour just as every fairy tale sold to every little girl. It was the epitome of fairy tales but in lullaby form. I’d like to imagine that someday if and when I do have children I’d pass on this lullaby to my kids.

But marriage seems so eerie to me now that I’m getting older. I still hold strong to my values and morals and traditions of it, but the way people in the media and entertainment abuse it is super hard to see sometimes. Take for instance the show The Bachelor, a man who goes on the show and dates upwards of 20 some odd women and dwindles it down to one woman who he knowingly will propose to at the end of the show. But given the many unsuccesses of the seasons – almost all of the men never wind up marrying the women they propose to or worse, they wind up divorcing. I mean, how many more people do you hear of divorcing these days? I talk about this often and it’s heartbreaking to hear of how many young people are getting married just to get divorced in less than ten years’ time.

Bottom line – I think we rush into too much in life. Marriage being ONE of them. I remember before hitting 18 how much I wanted so badly to hit 18 and I thought I was going to be doing a million and one things differently and I was going to go off and live this completely different lifestyle. Then little by little reality starting hitting me and I stopped myself in my tracks and thought, “Well wait a minute. This is a bit harder than I thought.”

In fact, the older that I get, the more time I’m taking and slowing down to enjoy life more instead of wanting to speed things up and rush into marriage and kids and all of these other  life committments.

I know some people in my life who are my age who are either married, engaged or in committed relationships or have these other big committments in their lives and tell me all sorts of things that they would have taken the time to do differently or just taken more time out to do instead of rushing into something or doing something so soon or while they were still young. I never would judge anyone for doing anything because everyone is different and everyone has a different lifestyle. In other words, when the time is right – then you’ll know. But I often find that when we’re still very young and still figuring ourselves out and still growing (as I know I am and I’m a work in progress every day) I could never say I am ready for something that life committing.

There are some roads I’d like to reach before meeting others.

Pretty Woman Meets Fairy Tale

25 Dec

Despite being so into kids and having this on and off baby fever I admit I go through from time to time, there’s something I have to say I’m happy about that might come off a little shallow of me. But here goes.

Before I even begin this post I have to really give praise to all of the young women I know – friends and family alike who have raised and are raising their kids. I know it isn’t easy. I’m saying I know like I know, but I really don’t. But I hear some of the stories of what it’s like to be 19, 20 and 21 and having to raise a kid on your own, or with little help from family (big or small). It’s tough when you’re living in a big city and in an economy like this one. So hat’s off to you ALL. I can’t imagine being in your shoes and it actually scares me to death sometimes seeing these women raising kids because they’re women I grew up with and I see them mature almost overnight in front of my eyes and become mothers when they’re still kids themselves. It’s scary. I’m still somewhat considering myself semi-kid, semi-adult in a way and these young women are having families. Am I doing something wrong, here?

What am I trying to say exactly?

Without sounding too condescending, I can wholeheartedly say that being almost 25 and not having a child yet nor having too many crazy relationships to get me there, I’m a little happy at where I’ve gotten today. With no discredit to the women who have had kids at very young ages, I am not at all saying that there’s anything wrong with that for you. FOR ME, it’s not something I ever wanted for me. I’m sure for alot of young women it’s probably not what they pictured either. Some might picture that for themselves, though. For the larger of us, I would imagine that having kids at a young age is not the ideal dream. But I can only speak for myself. Having a child before I grew out of my own childish things and manners was not ever my dream. To be turning 25 and not in a committed relationship it gives me reassurance (believe it or not) that having a child at a young age is not all that there is to life – there’s more than just raising a family. I imagine how fulfilling that must be and I know how much happiness that will bring me personally, but right now I’m not there yet. I couldn’t be. I still have a ton of growing up to do myself.

I’ve always said that I wanted to hold off having children as long as I possibly could. I love kids, but I want to enjoy everything I possibly can before being a parent and diving head first into what that life brings, because it’s a whole new world and life. When the time comes that I meet the person I spend the rest of my life with (cue the Harp), I want to enjoy marriage and everything else that brings BEFORE jumping into children right after. Yes, if you have not already noticed – I’m a traditional girl. Court, proposal, marriage, THEN children.

As Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman, “I want the Fairy Tale.”

And so, I’m trying to live up to my own fairy tale wether they still exist. I’m still holding on because I believe in them and because truth be told as much as I’ve actually been hurt in past relationships I’m still a firm believer in everything that’s good about relationships and love and romance. Only when it’s the right person. The only problem is trying to figure out who the right person is all of the time is never going to get you anywhere so I’ve stopped trying to figure that out and just let life run its course. I have faith that my fairy tale will figure itself out and whatever the ending, it will be a happy one regardless.

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