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19 Oct

As it just so happens over the last couple of days as I’ve been cleaning out and trying to get together a few systems to keep my life organized from my inbox with loads of junkmail to my shoes and wardbrode and other miscelleanous projects underway, I have come back to my blog. Something I’ve long neglected for a while. When I looked at one of the pages here, 30 Before 30, I realized that some of the things on the list didn’t quite ring true to me anymore. They didn’t feel like something BIG to me, but rather something in the future I perhaps saw myself getting into the craft or hobby of. I made an update or two and realized one major thing on the list had been accomplished.

10. Move out of Mom’s + get my first place.

Technically speaking, I didn’t get my own place. But I’ve moved in with my girlfriend Lindsey and it has been a really positive and great experience. No doubt I have had a bunch of nerves about making the leap, but I am certain that I’ve made a good and right step towards something I have wanted and known I’ve needed for my own sake of being an adult for a long time.

The decision didn’t come abruptly. I’ve known for a few years now that I’ve been ready to make the move out of the nest that my Mom has so neatly provided for and abundtly cozzied me up to. But it wasn’t enough to keep me living with my parent forever. I’ve been in long relationships before also where the topic has been broached about “making the move,” or “when we’re ready.” But I think my former partners knew more than I did that our relationships just never reached that point. I knew it, too, and I was never comfortable enough to make such a big move like that. Sometimes taking those kinds of risks isn’t worth it if you don’t feel 100% invested in someone.

But now –

One month in and Lindsey and I have been more than adjusting. I mean, I had a few sleepless nights over the summer when I realized I was spending 90% of my time day in and day out at her place. There was an awkward point when I couldn’t separate myself from guest to roommate when I was timid, afraid almost to clean up around the place only because I knew I didn’t live there – yet. I was finding myself almost crossing odd boundaries – like I was breaching unspoken territories if I touched things that I didn’t know about. I mean, I was spending alot of time with her but we still were in this transitional period of getting to know one another. To Lindsey’s dismay, she always answered my frustrations with a, “You practically live here already.”

I was in between a rock and a hard place at one point – finding the right time when to tell my Mom I was making this big move. When I finally told Lindsey, “Babe, I think I’m going to tell my Mom I’m ready to move and start in September,” she jumped right on board and with a blink of an eye was right behind the wheel of that U-haul truck climbing stairs, carrying my tons of books, my clothes. And it all just fell right into place just like that.

So as I cross this off of my list – I can’t wait to see what others I accomplish. Because this was a BIG one. =)


If I Weren’t Who I Am Today..

20 Jul

I often talk about my love of interior designing and if I liked to move every year, which I don’t only because it’s costly and it’s hell of a lot of work, the one thing I absolutely love to do besides my passion of writing is decorating and designing things on a DIY-budget.

Often times you can catch me following bloggers and looking up DIY-things and restoring old furniture and looking up furniture on my favorite website, I love alot of the designers on Etsy so much so that the designers and sellers have added me to their circles lately. Talk about love of designing.

If I had it my way, I would be paid as an interior designer/decorator as I get my inspiration from all sources and outlets. I’m actually dying to go to these flea markets in Brooklyn where a few people have told me they have some really great vintage inspired furniture and antique pieces that will knock your socks off. It’s every designers’ dream.

Designing a space for me, is something I always see as another way of expressing my identity. Wether it’s through paint on the walls, picture frames, drapery, or throw pillows. It’s a statement you’re trying to make and you try to make it as close to your own identity as possible or something that replicates how you see yourself. So as I think about the next space or chances I will have at designing a space, I usually pull out pieces of a magazine or write down things that inspire me, jot down ideas I get from time to time and keep them together – however they may change sporadically.

If anyone has any good designing tips, suggestions or references.. please leave comments! Always suggested and helpful!

How I Met My Best Friend..

2 Apr

Though I don’t tell most people this story, it’s actually a pretty funny one and one that me and my best friend laugh about all of the time. Janeris, my best friend of 14 years now actually hated my guts at first. We met in Junior High school and because rumors flew that I had talked about her liking some boy and wanting to “hook up with him,” who actually was my little crush and my two week boyfriend at the time – she hated me for it. We were young, immature and didn’t know anything so she believed the rumors and she approached me in the schoolyard one afternoon about it with her posse from elementary school. I felt cornered. I definitely thought I was a goner. Low and behold the girl who spread the rumor about me and what I had allegedly said about Janeris saying was there the day that Janeris approached me, trying to play both sides.

After it simmered down, for some odd reason Janeris asked me if what was said was really true. Of course it wasn’t and I told her I never had any ill will to say anything about her. I guess she suspected the girl had spread the rumor and she sniffed her out. The girl felt pretty dumb after that.

Janeris and I have been inseparable ever since then. To think that she was my Bully back in Junior High school. I kid with her when I say that, but when I think about it that was probably the only misunderstanding we’ve ever had in all of the years of our friendship. We’ve never lost touch, EVER. She’s been my rock through everything. She’s been the one to carry me through tough times and we’ve shared some amazing memories. No matter where we go in life and where our paths lead us I know that we’ll always have eachother’s back.

When I look at the friendship my Mom and my Godmother have (who are best friends of more than 25 years) I know that it’s the same kind of friendship me and Janeris have. We met the same way – in school and we do the same kind of things together they did. I look at them and I think of the friendship her and I have and it’s the exact same. I admire the friendship they have and the bond they have and I look up to that so much in the friendship I have with my own best friend. It’s what I grasp onto and know that life would never be the same without her.

She just turned 25 this weekend and I know she had an amazing time. It was a night to remember and one that we will be talking about for a long time. Jaji, I love you more than you can possibly imagine. You are one of the strongest women I know and I admire that about you. Because of this, you make me stronger every day and through you I live every day in the moment.

She completes me!

There’s A Reason You Never Go Back..

22 Mar

Call me crazy, but this weather is just the icing on the cake for my uplifting spirits and has been leaving me in such amazing moods. It’s not often that you have 70 degree weather in March living in New York City and really, I’m holding out on bringing out the Spring dresses only because it’s all I wear during the Spring and Summer seasons – for the most part. I’m a HUGE girly girl at times, but I’m pretty aggressive when need be.

It’s funny that I’m even thinking about this, but have you ever logged onto your Facebook and seen a past lover/ex pop up on your newsfeed and sometimes (in your heart of hearts) ever think about the what ifs, maybes and or where your life would’ve gone if things would have taken a different toll had you been in a relationship with that person? I’m not thinking about ANY particular ex of mine as I write this – but this goes for every woman I’ve ever had any type of connection or emotional relationship with. I’ve had some serious and not so serious relationships all of which were learning experiences for me. I don’t take any of them back. For a while when I was a little younger (I say it like I’m so old), there was one or two women I constantly gravitated towards and found myself going back to, looking for a relationship or something more. But it was never the right time. I was getting involved with people from my past all over again – like it was a cycle. And it was a pattern I noticed that was deeply rooted with the relationship I have with my Father. My Father, a man who is in and out of my life irregularly – and I was somehow doing the same with one or two women, but I couldn’t help it. I’m human.

Too many times I would tell myself, “You can never go back to someone you’ve been with in your past.” Just the other day on the radio they were talking about people in relationships and if they would give it a second chance if it didn’t work out the first time. I’ve been there once before, and it didn’t work out for me and the person I was with at the time. In all honesty, I don’t really believe in giving it a second shot. Maybe because I’m not living proof I don’t know. I’ve heard success stories of people who have had the complete opposite – dated once, then separated and got back together a second time and live happily ever after. But I’ll always be a believer in fairy tales and happy endings. That’s something no one can take away from me no matter who comes and who goes from my life.

I’m a firm believer that if it didn’t work out in a relationship.. you have every right in your mind to get up, dust yourself off and move on from that experience. Walk away with everything you have learned about relationships and yourself because there will be another – maybe not right away, but eventually someone will come along and surprise you just as much as you surprise them. As my doctor told me some time ago, “Make someone really show you they want to be with you. Make them do the work to show you that.”

My Womanly ‘Circle’

27 Feb

I’ve always considered myself a feminist and probably right now I’m a hairy one – since of course this is hibernating season when the legs just barely ever come out. I feel myself already drifting off into wonderland and this is only the second sentence – the places my mind wanders to!

Really though, being around inspiring and uplifting women somehow always makes me feel…good. Inspired. Eager. Hungry. Thriving. Living. I rarely meet a man that can fulfill all of these things in me without failing at so many other things like poor conversation or his outlook on the world. It’s unattractive and for some reason, women always see the grandeur scheme of things that men are missing. Okay, okay, now I know at this point I’m really sounding like a man-hating lesbian, but I’m speaking from the gut and from what I know. This weekend I met up with my writing group ladies where one of our members introduced a new writer to the group. I’ve been super lucky to be in the company of these type of women who are always so energetic and full of life, seeking the little things that make you question things a little more and a little more in depth.

It’s not just these women who I see once a month for our writing sessions, but it’s the other women I’ve met at other crossroads that have made small, minute and even grand imprints on my life that I’ll always seem to remember and they still inspire me even if I don’t know where they are geographically in the world. It’s the women I met in another country, who given the chance to ever meet them in our hometown of the busy streets of New York City, I’m not sure we ever would have gotten the chance to. But it’s their careers & their love of the work that they do wether it’s small or large that gives me the pat on the back when I need it to know that I’m not the only one still working towards my goals and dreams, too. They are the same strong, liberated women in my life doing just the same.

When I read about fellow women who I took classes with in college through Facebook or Twitter and read about their fantastic pavements through the arts and the grassroots activists that they still are, I know that it inspires me to do more in my own communities even if it’s just from my fingertips and the ball of a pen. I know that I am among many women around me, wether they be close or far in distance their presence is always positive and always urging me to be my very best and never telling me that I should fall prey to any weaknesses. It’s the circle of these women that keep me on my toes, always dreaming and believing. Always knowing that I deserve it.

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